But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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