Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
