I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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