Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
