Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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