I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
