none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize