tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
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