there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
