OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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