I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
