someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
