A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
