You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
someone threw a dead crab at me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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