Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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