go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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