My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
