If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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