How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
