After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
