I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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