I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
