i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
