My cat gives me a boner
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
