Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
