chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
