margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
