I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
