First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
