I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize