i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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