I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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