It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
