I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize