I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
