That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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