so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
