i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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