grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize