and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
