Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
