so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This couple is walking their pig around campus
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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