I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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