you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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