wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
