I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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