But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
false alarm. still invincible.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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