everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize