Nicole vs. Life
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
