I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
