he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
