I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
