I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
if only i could text you this smell
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
