Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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