Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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