What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
false alarm, still single
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