my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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