I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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