apparently the secret to your success is patron
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This is the high leading the old right now
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
