We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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