glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize