When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
