is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
