Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
