I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
