saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
