Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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