i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
