sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just forgot I was standing up.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
