Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
