yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
