oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
