New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
