quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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