i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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