I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
