Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize