I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
