She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
