No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
