I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
