If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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