There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
