I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
