our cab driver is having phone sex.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
