i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
