my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
