you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize