this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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